But myself and (unlicensed) attorney at law Chip Tarkenton were both miffed, to put it lightly, yesterday at the lack of opportunity the team was afforded.
I received a text message today from Jersey Mike saying that he spoke with an anonymous UREC source. Anonymous sources will seldom be used on this highly journalisticly sound publication, but it is the only new information we have. I am especially uncomfortable quoting this anonymous source because the news gatherer who talked to the source is not exactly an example of integrity.
Jersey Mike, known to most for his sketchy Jersey ways, must be taken with a grain of salt. He isn't greasy or overly tan, like Zach, but he reportedly has ties to the Mafia. That would explain why he sneakily moves around Harrisonburg, popping up at random times with his aviators on. The only reason I'm slightly inclined to trust him is because the kid really trusts himself.
Shortly after a near-death experience on Saturday evening, Mike assured me that he trusts himself. "Trust me," he said in his soft voice, only fitting of an aspiring mobster. "I don't really trust anyone else, but I trust myself. Trust me. Don't take the bus, the driver is drunk too." There is a good chance that it is all an act because Mike was quite the thespian in high school. He is regarded by some as the best high school actor in New Jersey history.
But he really is so sketchy that I'm trying to find a picture on facebook with no luck. I've searched a variety of ways his name could be worded but no profiles are showing up. I've even searched mutual friends' friends list but he apparently has his profile on the most heightened levels of secrecy.
He just walked in the room. "Yeah, I make it as hard as possible for people to find me." Surprise, surprise.
But according to Mike's text: "I quote from an anonymous urec source that they messed up our schedule. Corec 1 doesn't have playoffs. But the folks at urec expected us to win the championship."
I have also heard that the beautiful co-ed Kristin, former defensive tackle, is regrouping today. For a while last night she was considering admitting herself to psych ward, but thanks to loving support from Humphrey, the guys and her beautiful co-ed roommates Amanda, Lauren and Lisa (freak), she is healing faster than expected from the emotional scars of another botched football experience. It really is a shame that it has come to this. I invite everyone to join the blog as followers and discuss your thoughts on the situation. Chip is more than welcome to give the readers some legal follow up.
Oh, and I've been granted access to the virtual world of Jersey Mike. Here he is.
Thoughts on Mike:
Brad (the kid with the big nose for new readers) -- "Sketchy mothafucka."
Zach (tan kid who sometimes wears capris) -- "Brad took my line."
Humphrey (no description necessary) -- "Mike's just there... in the corner."
Brad -- "He's in theater. What a fag."
No comments:
Post a Comment