He is social in person, why not be social on the World Wide Web. If there was an American Wide Web, he would do that to.
There is a facebook fan page and a twitter to follow.
Cheers.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
"You see that guy over there?"
As promised, I said I would briefly touch on Pat's ineptitude with the co-eds. For those just joining Hangin' with Humphrey, Pat lives upstairs and is an avid sports fan.
The guys told me that he has never even been kissed. I scoffed at this because he is 19 years old and goes to James Madison University. But I felt bad nonetheless and told him I'd help him out the best I could.
Without even putting much effort in, I've already lost patience. Pat is picky. He went to a formal not too long ago with a co-ed that had the hots for him. I met her at the Dickinthe4skins game the other night and found her to be a very pleasant young co-ed. (I even gave her a kiss on the cheek before we left.) Pat won't really say why he hasn't pursued said co-ed, but one can only assume that he is lacking in confidence.
So after chewing him a new one for his failure to hang out more with said co-ed, I decided it was time to be proactive. No more excuses and no more of Pat being that guy that all the co-eds love because he jumps right in the friend zone. IDIOT!
Pat is a cute guy. Don't get me wrong because I'm hard on the rosy-cheeked fella. Look at him. He's a catch.
I know. He makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside too, but that doesn't mean he can't be a sensual lover for some classy co-ed out there.
So, yesterday at Mrs. Greens (a dining location on campus for lunch) and again at dinner at the East Campus Dining Hall, I took matters into my own hands.
I tend to live my life through the classic sports movie Rudy. (If you haven't seen it you're probably not American and should stop reading this blog.) I only watch it about once every two weeks. But there are a couple scenes where Rudy has to introduce his tutor D-Bob to various co-eds around campus.
Much like Rudy, I went around the JMU dining facilities, asking random co-eds to look over at my buddy Pat and wave. Instant success!
"You see that cute guy over there in the blue polo?" I said. "Yeah, that one. Can you just wave at him, humor him a little. Great, thanks. He doesn't have much confidence right now."
I said nothing about how proficient he was, but one girl at E-Hall said, "Wait, so he hasn't gotten laid at JMU?"
"Whoa, easy," I said.
"I just mean, there's so many whores at this school," she responded.
I honestly don't think she meant it as an insult to Pat, but I suppose it's something for the jolly guy to think about it.
If you know anyone who is ready to make a commitment (or at least give him a kiss on the cheek) with a stand-up character that is a sweetheart and total opposite of JMU frat dudes, please let us know. You can either comment here at Hangin' with Humphrey or send a text message with your name or one of your co-ed friend's names to 804-690-0367. He will promptly friend you on facebook.
If he's not really your type, just lead him on and at least you might get a shot with his better looking, pretty-boy roommate Big Chris -- not to be confused with Chris.
Cheers.
The guys told me that he has never even been kissed. I scoffed at this because he is 19 years old and goes to James Madison University. But I felt bad nonetheless and told him I'd help him out the best I could.
Without even putting much effort in, I've already lost patience. Pat is picky. He went to a formal not too long ago with a co-ed that had the hots for him. I met her at the Dickinthe4skins game the other night and found her to be a very pleasant young co-ed. (I even gave her a kiss on the cheek before we left.) Pat won't really say why he hasn't pursued said co-ed, but one can only assume that he is lacking in confidence.
So after chewing him a new one for his failure to hang out more with said co-ed, I decided it was time to be proactive. No more excuses and no more of Pat being that guy that all the co-eds love because he jumps right in the friend zone. IDIOT!
Pat is a cute guy. Don't get me wrong because I'm hard on the rosy-cheeked fella. Look at him. He's a catch.
I know. He makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside too, but that doesn't mean he can't be a sensual lover for some classy co-ed out there.
So, yesterday at Mrs. Greens (a dining location on campus for lunch) and again at dinner at the East Campus Dining Hall, I took matters into my own hands.
I tend to live my life through the classic sports movie Rudy. (If you haven't seen it you're probably not American and should stop reading this blog.) I only watch it about once every two weeks. But there are a couple scenes where Rudy has to introduce his tutor D-Bob to various co-eds around campus.
Much like Rudy, I went around the JMU dining facilities, asking random co-eds to look over at my buddy Pat and wave. Instant success!
"You see that cute guy over there in the blue polo?" I said. "Yeah, that one. Can you just wave at him, humor him a little. Great, thanks. He doesn't have much confidence right now."
I said nothing about how proficient he was, but one girl at E-Hall said, "Wait, so he hasn't gotten laid at JMU?"
"Whoa, easy," I said.
"I just mean, there's so many whores at this school," she responded.
I honestly don't think she meant it as an insult to Pat, but I suppose it's something for the jolly guy to think about it.
If you know anyone who is ready to make a commitment (or at least give him a kiss on the cheek) with a stand-up character that is a sweetheart and total opposite of JMU frat dudes, please let us know. You can either comment here at Hangin' with Humphrey or send a text message with your name or one of your co-ed friend's names to 804-690-0367. He will promptly friend you on facebook.
If he's not really your type, just lead him on and at least you might get a shot with his better looking, pretty-boy roommate Big Chris -- not to be confused with Chris.
Cheers.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The Next Peyton Manning (Part 5)
I tell Humphrey during his next defensive break that I'm looking into a professor assistant's-ship for next year.
"Ohhhh, Humpin' Humphrey would be awesome," Humphrey says in reference to this Web site.
Humphrey realizes what he said.
"That's just un-American, first of all, and that's just gay."
He's raw and I tell him that that saying isn't just pop culture but offensive to some. He'll eventually come around.
I tell Humphrey that I can't go to his brother Pat's baseball game on Sunday at U.Va. (I'm tempted to mock the Charlotteville school, but for the sake of my grade I'll refrain.) His brother plays for Georgia Tech and they have a series in Charlotteville.
I have to film a game of JMU baseball for a class, so I can't go.
"Tell 'em you have gonorrhea!" Humphrey says. "Or diarrhea. It works every time. Or say you have diabetes!"
Humphrey receives a snap when he gets back on the field. He laterals it back to Zach and then sprints up field to the end zone. Zach slings it. (He looks like a well-tanned Mark Sanchez, just smaller and slightly more homosexual.) It's a beautiful throw, but despite some astonishing speed from Humphrey it is about to be intercepted by the student director of JMU intramurals.
Humphrey is forced to play defense on this pass and throws his hand up. It actually is a great play on his part but he puts all his girth into it and lays the poor UREC mini-czar out.
The dickinthe4skins "(or Americans, as Humphrey puts it) 40 hundred and 7; the French -12 for being queers."
It's getting late. Humphrey has told me, "Let's drink some Malt Liquor and get drunk."
More to come. Next blogs will include Pat's ineptitude with co-eds and a belated account of Humphrey's reaction to the NCAA men's national championship Monday night.
Cheers. God Bless America.
"Ohhhh, Humpin' Humphrey would be awesome," Humphrey says in reference to this Web site.
Humphrey realizes what he said.
"That's just un-American, first of all, and that's just gay."
He's raw and I tell him that that saying isn't just pop culture but offensive to some. He'll eventually come around.
I tell Humphrey that I can't go to his brother Pat's baseball game on Sunday at U.Va. (I'm tempted to mock the Charlotteville school, but for the sake of my grade I'll refrain.) His brother plays for Georgia Tech and they have a series in Charlotteville.
I have to film a game of JMU baseball for a class, so I can't go.
"Tell 'em you have gonorrhea!" Humphrey says. "Or diarrhea. It works every time. Or say you have diabetes!"
Humphrey receives a snap when he gets back on the field. He laterals it back to Zach and then sprints up field to the end zone. Zach slings it. (He looks like a well-tanned Mark Sanchez, just smaller and slightly more homosexual.) It's a beautiful throw, but despite some astonishing speed from Humphrey it is about to be intercepted by the student director of JMU intramurals.
Humphrey is forced to play defense on this pass and throws his hand up. It actually is a great play on his part but he puts all his girth into it and lays the poor UREC mini-czar out.
The dickinthe4skins "(or Americans, as Humphrey puts it) 40 hundred and 7; the French -12 for being queers."
It's getting late. Humphrey has told me, "Let's drink some Malt Liquor and get drunk."
More to come. Next blogs will include Pat's ineptitude with co-eds and a belated account of Humphrey's reaction to the NCAA men's national championship Monday night.
Cheers. God Bless America.
The Next Peyton Manning (Part 4)
Humphrey scores on a touchdown reception, but it's called back for flag guarding. Regardless, Heisman Humphrey poses like the trophy that honors the best college football player in the country.
He totally butchers the pose and throws a leg behind him like a fairy.
He runs to the sideline and tells Big Chris -- not to be confused with Chris -- "I got called for three penalties on that drive and I didn't do shit."
On his next play as QB, he yells, "Pineapple, Bananas!" to signal he's ready before lifting his knee to get the snap.
All of the sudden, it's "18 America and 0 Egypt!"
Humphrey comes back to the sideline during the defensive possession and whispers to me, "I'm fuckin' awesome." I indulge him and nod.
As he cocks his chin high in the air and walks back on the field, he looks back and grimaces, "I think I pulled a groin."
Humphrey, who looks especially stout these days on the field, tries to up his team's GPA rating by showing off Erica's puppy to a male referee...
See part 5
He totally butchers the pose and throws a leg behind him like a fairy.
He runs to the sideline and tells Big Chris -- not to be confused with Chris -- "I got called for three penalties on that drive and I didn't do shit."
On his next play as QB, he yells, "Pineapple, Bananas!" to signal he's ready before lifting his knee to get the snap.
All of the sudden, it's "18 America and 0 Egypt!"
Humphrey comes back to the sideline during the defensive possession and whispers to me, "I'm fuckin' awesome." I indulge him and nod.
As he cocks his chin high in the air and walks back on the field, he looks back and grimaces, "I think I pulled a groin."
Humphrey, who looks especially stout these days on the field, tries to up his team's GPA rating by showing off Erica's puppy to a male referee...
See part 5
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The Next Peyton Manning (Part 3)
While Humphrey is on the sideline he comments on my Italia Soccer shirt.
"I've been to Italy," Humphrey says at his usual decibel level, far higher than necessary. "It was nice, but if it was between it and America, I'm choosing America. That's the obvious choice."
Humphrey jumps from one point to the next. My correspondent Big Chris -- not to be confused with Chris -- catches an interaction between Humphrey and a co-ed.
Co-ed: "Can we come sit next to you?" she asks while holding a puppy -- half chocolate lab, half corky.
Humphrey: "No, I'm stretching," replies the burly youngster as he does lunges.
Co-ed: Sits down with her pooch anyway.
Humphrey: "How old are you now?"
Co-ed: "I'm seven weeks," she says speaking for the dog.
Humphrey: "Damn, you grow fast! How old is the dog?"
See part 4. (Clearly it isn't easy to condense one night into less than a few parts, but Hangin' with Humphrey is a new publication and we'll work on it. Thank you for bearing with us during our launch. You're a "doll" like the McDonald's cashier Humphrey cooed last weekend.)
"I've been to Italy," Humphrey says at his usual decibel level, far higher than necessary. "It was nice, but if it was between it and America, I'm choosing America. That's the obvious choice."
Humphrey jumps from one point to the next. My correspondent Big Chris -- not to be confused with Chris -- catches an interaction between Humphrey and a co-ed.
Co-ed: "Can we come sit next to you?" she asks while holding a puppy -- half chocolate lab, half corky.
Humphrey: "No, I'm stretching," replies the burly youngster as he does lunges.
Co-ed: Sits down with her pooch anyway.
Humphrey: "How old are you now?"
Co-ed: "I'm seven weeks," she says speaking for the dog.
Humphrey: "Damn, you grow fast! How old is the dog?"
See part 4. (Clearly it isn't easy to condense one night into less than a few parts, but Hangin' with Humphrey is a new publication and we'll work on it. Thank you for bearing with us during our launch. You're a "doll" like the McDonald's cashier Humphrey cooed last weekend.)
The Next Peyton Manning (Part 2)
At 10 p.m. the referee called for the captain of Dickandthe4skins. Humphrey's roommate Zach is the captain.
"I don't know, it's like your dick in your foreskin," Zach explains. "It's like an uncircumcised dick... and it's four-on-four flag football.
"Humphrey and I googled it one night... one of the funniest flag football names was dickandthe4skins."
Zach just explained this, but earlier at the game he told me he would show me what it meant. I told him I'd take a rain check.
Back to the game. Although there is no punting in 4-on-4 football, Humphrey assures me he isn't worthless.
"I can throw like a worm," he says.
In the backfield, Humphrey points out protections like Peyton Manning - just a much fatter, much shorter and non-athletic Peyton Manning. (But Humphrey would out-preform Peyton in those MasterCard commercials.)
Humphrey completes his first pass to a co-ed named Lauryn. He completes his second pass to a co-ed named Erica. "Run fast!" he tells her. "Beautiful!"
Humphrey ends the drive with a touchdown pass to the co-ed Lauryn. (His strike to the endzone looks better than anything a New York Jets QB has tossed since Vinny Testaverde.)
After a failed conversion, he yells, "WATER BREAK!" He swigs the rum and coke, while the defense plays.
"I like to score points," Humphrey exclaims, when asked why he doesn't play defense.
See Part 3
"I don't know, it's like your dick in your foreskin," Zach explains. "It's like an uncircumcised dick... and it's four-on-four flag football.
"Humphrey and I googled it one night... one of the funniest flag football names was dickandthe4skins."
Zach just explained this, but earlier at the game he told me he would show me what it meant. I told him I'd take a rain check.
Back to the game. Although there is no punting in 4-on-4 football, Humphrey assures me he isn't worthless.
"I can throw like a worm," he says.
In the backfield, Humphrey points out protections like Peyton Manning - just a much fatter, much shorter and non-athletic Peyton Manning. (But Humphrey would out-preform Peyton in those MasterCard commercials.)
Humphrey completes his first pass to a co-ed named Lauryn. He completes his second pass to a co-ed named Erica. "Run fast!" he tells her. "Beautiful!"
Humphrey ends the drive with a touchdown pass to the co-ed Lauryn. (His strike to the endzone looks better than anything a New York Jets QB has tossed since Vinny Testaverde.)
After a failed conversion, he yells, "WATER BREAK!" He swigs the rum and coke, while the defense plays.
"I like to score points," Humphrey exclaims, when asked why he doesn't play defense.
See Part 3
The Next Peyton Manning (Part 1)
When I got back to the building tonight, Humphrey was nowhere to be found. It was 15 minutes before game time, so I ran to my place to start a load of laundry.
As I walked back to Humphrey's building, I found him on the side lot drinking a rum and coke. He was well on his way. Clad in a '97 Mickey Mouse shirt and a raggedy ol' hat that says "so many beers, so little time," he was ready to play quarterback. He ran inside and filled one of those drinking receptacles that kids had in peewee soccer. He filled it with rum and coke. We were off.
I don't really follow Humphrey everywhere, but Pat, from upstairs, wanted to watch the game because he is even obsessed with the most amateur sports. (I feel sorry for his future kids if he ever does get laid. He is going to live vicariously through them like no sports dad before.)
Pat and I filled some feminine looking water bottles with Olde English and went to the UREC upper turf.
See part 2.
As I walked back to Humphrey's building, I found him on the side lot drinking a rum and coke. He was well on his way. Clad in a '97 Mickey Mouse shirt and a raggedy ol' hat that says "so many beers, so little time," he was ready to play quarterback. He ran inside and filled one of those drinking receptacles that kids had in peewee soccer. He filled it with rum and coke. We were off.
I don't really follow Humphrey everywhere, but Pat, from upstairs, wanted to watch the game because he is even obsessed with the most amateur sports. (I feel sorry for his future kids if he ever does get laid. He is going to live vicariously through them like no sports dad before.)
Pat and I filled some feminine looking water bottles with Olde English and went to the UREC upper turf.
See part 2.
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